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The New Year’s Un-Resolution

I have finally–finally!–realized that I am a failure at resolutions, so there is no point in making them. I’ve had too many years of swearing that this time I’ll nail that diet and lose twenty pounds. Come to think of it, dieting is the only resolution I ever really made. (And consistently failed at, I might add.) I seem to be able to wrangle everything else in my life as I go along day to day.

I prefer “diet” the noun to “diet” the verb. I know what a good diet consists of, what my body needs to feel optimal. I eat well and don’t worry about it. Lots of fruit and vegetables. A source of protein.  Extra Vitamin D. Plenty of clean water. Other supplements when I feel the need.

I wasn’t always this way. I read a piece this morning by a woman who felt she’d been made to feel that she would be a better person, more valuable to society and those around her, if she was smaller. It reminded me of my ex. He complained regularly that I was fat and I developed a negative relationship with food and my body. I wasn’t skinny by any means, a solid size 10-12, but I was also not fat. Yet I worried about my weight and what I ate and dieting-the-verb constantly.

It wasn’t until decades after we divorced that I understood that my ex wanted a Barbie doll wife. It also took me many years to move from the belief that I have to look a certain way to realizing that what I really wanted was to feel a certain way. I want to feel strong and healthy. That is what’s important. Not my measurements, especially measurements compared to an unrealistic model of the female body.

When I began to focus on diet the noun, and what I choose to eat, rather than diet the verb and denying myself, my relationship with my body changed. Denial never works. I can’t speak for anyone else, but when I try to deny myself something? It’s all I can think about until I have to have it. There’s no way to win when I’m focused on the negative. And that’s why resolving to diet never worked for me.

The new year is already going swimmingly well because I have no resolutions to break and feel bad about. 😀

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